


All That You Can't Forget

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Series: Omega Dick Week 2019 [3]
Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Alpha Jason Todd, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Father-Son Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, Maternal Instinct, Omega Dick Grayson, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 13:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19358215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: Jason is gone and Dick must learn to live without him all over again





	All That You Can't Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 - Maternal Instinct
> 
> Song: Haunt by Echos

_“I feel alive when I’m sleeping,_   
_Cause they can’t twist my words if I don’t speak,_   
_But the world knows my secrets,_   
_I feel alive when I’m asleep.”_

  
  
There were days when Dick felt like a bystander in his own life.

A puppet that danced to someone else’s tune, he went through the motions each day, waking up at the break of dawn, sleep-deprived eyes closing to lull him back into the safety of his dreams, to a world where his parents were still alive, where his family was whole and his mate was home. But reality refused to be ignored, it demanded to be heard and the shrill ring of his alarm clock always jerked him out of bed. Thomas would be awake soon after and there was no way that Dick would let his son go hungry. The voices in his head, the broken state of his heart and the hollowness in his chest, all of it demanded that he shut himself away from the world. But through the darkness, the sight of Thomas’s face was enough to push him to his feet.

In his dreams Dick would always find Jason in the kitchen, working on breakfast, a cup of coffee by his side. He would kiss Dick good morning and then make fun of his bed hair, fingers trying to tame down the unruly mess. But awake, when he stepped out of his room, only the shadows hiding in the corners peeked out to greet him. Dragged down by the weight of the world, head hung low, Dick would put together a meal for his son, never hungry enough to find something more than cereal for himself.

Thankfully, before he could lose himself to the darkness of his own thoughts, footsteps would break through the silence as Thomas would stumble out of bed, calling for his father, the sound of his voice bringing a smile to Dick’s face.

“Papa, I’m hungwy,” the young pup would say, forgetting to pronounce his r’s as he struggled to stay awake.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

“….Yes.”

“Thomas.”

Wrinkling his nose, Thomas would stare at his father for a while, hoping that Dick would change his mind and today, he wouldn’t have to taste the horrible taste of toothpaste. But, despite the big puppy dog eyes and his lower lip jutting out in the most adorable way, Thomas’s papa never gave in. Defeated, the young pup had no choice but to brush.

The moments that Dick spent with Thomas, those were the only moments when he felt alive, when he felt like a part of his own life. His son was his reason for being, his reason for breathing and Dick never wanted to even think about what would have happened if Thomas hadn’t been born.

Dick Grayson didn’t have many reasons to be happy, life taking away more than he was given, shattering every carefully knitted dream before it became reality. Those he loved were quick to leave and those he needed wanted more than what he could give them. Thomas was the one who stopped Dick from shutting down, from pulling away from those who still cared. He was the only link that Dick had to Bruce, to Tim and to everyone that wanted to be his family. And despite all the difference that pup made in his life, even Thomas couldn’t make Jason stay.

It had been a month since Jason had disappeared, giving Dick just a taste of his kiss before leaving, taking away every trace of his existence except for his scent that still clung to the Omega’s skin, refusing to wash away. Now, he was somewhere, living without his mate and his son, probably happy with a life where he wasn’t burdened by the family he never wanted. The Jason that Dick knew, the one that he had fallen in love with was someone who wanted to give him everything he wanted, a home, a pack, children of their own. But Death changed a man and this Jason, he chose to stay away.

That was okay. Dick would be okay because as long as he had his son, his Thomas, he would never need anything else.

 

  
It happened one night when Dick had just tucked Thomas into bed.

Usually, after hearing his favorite bedtime story, reciting dialogues along with his father, laughing whenever Dick changed his voice to match a character, the pup was quick to feel asleep. But tonight, Thomas was restless, barely listening to his father, brows scrunched together, lips pursed into a pout.

“What’s wrong, baby chick?” Dick finally asked, putting the book in his hand aside.

Hesitant, Thomas looked up at his father. “Promise you won’t be sad if I tell you, Papa?”

“I promise, baby,” Dick answered quickly, a part of him feeling guilty because he wanted his son to feel that he could always be honest. He never wanted Thomas to hide anything from him. “You can talk to me about anything.”

Twisting in his bed, Thomas looked up at Dick with those big blue eyes. “I see daddy in my dreams,” the young pup started, his tiny fingers curling into the sheets. “Sometimes, I wake up and he’ll be standing over my bed. He’ll smile and stroke my hair and sing to me until I fall asleep again.”

There was always a part of Dick that wanted to believe in Jason, that wanted to believe that his mate still loved him. The bond they shared had always been so strong and in the beginning, even though they tried to deny the way they felt, somehow, they were always pulled back to each other. But when Jason left for the second time, without so much as a word, Dick had shut this part of himself away, needing to face the world practically rather than emotionally. He couldn’t keep hurting himself, waiting for someone who was never coming home.

But now, those feelings of hope that he had locked away, hidden in the abyss of his mind, were awakening.

“How… how do you know it’s daddy?” Dick asked, trying to sound calm, smiling even when his throat was closing up, heart hammering in his chest.

“He’s nice and warm.” Thomas smiled, eyes slowly closing as he yawned. “And he smells just like you.”

Kissing his son’s forehead, Dick stayed by Thomas’s side until the pup fell asleep, forcing his mind to shut down, pushing away every emotion that could bring tears to his eyes. He was ready to believe that Thomas was just dreaming, his mind trying to introduce him to a father that had run away. He was ready to believe that the Jason who sang to his son, who held his pup close was just a part of Thomas’s imagination.

He would believe anything but face the truth that maybe Jason did care.

Accepting the truth meant opening up his heart to feelings that could only hurt him, decisions that would only burn him down in the end. If he broke down this time, Dick didn’t know if he would be able to put himself back together again.

But even as he left Thomas’s room, stripping out of his clothes to get ready for bed, all Dick could think about was Jason. Lying in bed, instead of falling asleep, he listened to the ticking of the clock, the silence that blanketed the rest of the house, waiting for the tiniest sound to let him know his mate was home. His mind didn’t want to believe in a good thing but his heart was traitor, willing to drown all over again just to feel something other than pain.

It was around 2 AM when a shiver ran down Dick’s spine, goosebumps coming to life on his skin, heartbeat pounding in his ears. With trembling hands, he gripped the edges of his bed, slowly standing up while his mind begged him to go back to sleep, to close his eyes and pretend he couldn’t feel his mate’s presence. Each step brought him close to more pain, more hurt but every cell in Dick’s body screamed at him to keep going, to finally break free of this cycle of numbness.

Dick found him crouched beside Thomas’s bed, dressed in a pair of black pants and leather jacket, the gentlest smile on his face as he pushed back his son’s hair, eyes full of unconditional love. He was right there, just a few steps away and all Dick had to do was reach out to feel that he was real. But his feet were rooted to their spot, the warm touch of a tear to snapping him out of his daze and lips parting before he had the chance to walk away.

“Jason?”  


_“And I haunt myself in the middle of the night,_   
_As I float through the frame of my body in my mind,_   
_Everyone knows that I’m dying to feel fine,_   
_But the lens in my brain always tells me twisted lies.”_


End file.
